Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My feet surprised me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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