please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this hospital has no fireball
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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