the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is classic penis vs brain.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize