My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
