Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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