Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
