how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
