You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
