can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
