we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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