Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize