Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
