i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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