He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
do nipples grow back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
