My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
