yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
