she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
