Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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