Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
