If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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