I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
