I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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