my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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