So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said her name was "party"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
