I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
