I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize