wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
