I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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