i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
