mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
