I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
