There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize