I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
