Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
