We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
