In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
