So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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