My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
