He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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