i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
