My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
