need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
