I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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