yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
