This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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