Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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