My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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