I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
