I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
