porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Welp...herpes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
