I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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