yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
