Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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