it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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