I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you had me at cake vodka
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
