I just pynch a tree in the face
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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