I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
