bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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