We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
