I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm both gender and math confused
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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