So drunk its hurt
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
