Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
