I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
