I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
