just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
