if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Vodka?
Forever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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