Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
