so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Success! We fucked roommates!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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