I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
