My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
