John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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