Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
