remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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