The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
