she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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