; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize